Dumb Could Be the New Smart

I was on the front porch when you drove by and I waved, having earlier been almost naked on a table while my dermatologist Kristine examined me for growths and pointed out one that needed to be snipped and biopsied. When I got home, I lost no time contacting the world’s leading authority on dermatological diseases, A I Google, and what I read was dreary and so medically awful I considered revising my will. I grew depressed and wondered if a gallon of ice cream would have any immediate medicinal qualities when later I realized I had misspelled the name. The new search revealed I’d probably live another 20 years, and I was encouraged to increase my kale intake and become Zen with my surroundings.

I’m convinced one reason for so much drama, unhappiness, and extremes in the world today is the fact that we have access to so much information. We know too much. Stupidity suddenly has some appeal. Dumb could be the new Smart.

I’m beginning to understand people who don’t stay abreast of the news, of self-imposed ignorance, or people that eat apple pie for dinner. I’m envious, I’m considering going informationally dumb because those people seem genuinely happy.

Sure, dumb makes life harder and you will at times pay for it. Like when in a prebreakfast daze you attempt to enter a password into your toaster. But sometimes, being removed from trends and information sure seems nice.

Small children don’t know much about anything, yet they radiate happiness. I’ve seen kids sit in a cardboard box for hours by themselves, no parent providing entertainment, and the kids were perfectly happy. Today’s self-appointed media advisors would claim that’s not imaginative, it’s not bright, it’s wasted time. Sure, the little darling doesn’t know how to tie his shoes, but he’s not worried about it either and he couldn’t care less about government bond interest rates. He’s only interested in his belly button.

I want to be one of those guys that Jimmy Kimmel interviews on the street. The ones that think San Diego is the capital of the United States, or one of those that are baffled when asked “What was President George Washington’s first name?” I want a life so care-free that a simple question about a president would stump me. Don’t laugh, this is the Zen I seek.

What do informed people have? High blood pressure from worrying about all the things they know. That leads to a doctor’s appointment and more worry about insurance deductibles and what’s covered and what’s not and how much money they have to pay for all this. I know a fellow who never goes to the doctor, if he finds a mole or wart on himself, he gives it a name and posts a new selfie.

He’s much happier than most people I know. I’ve never seen a true intellectual do a cannonball into a swimming pool, they’re too busy scowling over politics or worrying about the plight of the fiddlehead fern. They spend their money on emergency kits (2,000 plus online hits) and more insurance.

Dumb people avoid information tsunamis. Instead, they build bicycle ramps and bungee jump. They enjoy their lives. Getting dressed every day is fun. They don’t stand in front of their closet trying to follow online clothing trends. They wear whatever they find on the floor.

A lot of dumb people are successful. Professional athletes are dumb in a good way. You can’t process 10,000 online hits about skin eczema and still throw a good pitch or birdie a five-par hole. They just live in the moment.

I may become a southern Dali Lama and teach people how to get the most out of life, maybe start by grilling out more. So, never do medical research online, and be smart by going dumb. Embrace the Zen, y’all.

Now, let’s all hold hands and together say, “oom.”